i dont get it
@ 11:02 pm on 12 April 2005
Yo.
Ugh. Let me just start off by saying I dont know how much more school I can endure. And since Ive said that, its more the drive than it is the actual classes. Im so fucking burnt out driving 2 hrs to school every single god damned day! I swear Im gonna go insane if this lasts much longer. I mean I wake up, I get ready and sit in my car for 2 hrs, I get to school walk all of 1 minute til Im in class, sitting for another 3.5 - 4 hrs, walk another minute or so back to my car and guess what?! Sit down for another 2 hr drive back home. *cries*
Last night the boy was mentioning quite a few of his past gfs. It didnt bother me until he mentioned some chic in MN that he had started talking to around the same time we began talking. Now for a little backdrop on this scenerio.
We had talked at the beginning when his fiance had left him. We talked for awhile and than I deleted him from my list. A year or damn close to a year goes by and he messages me out of the blue and we pretty much pick up where we had left off and became a helluva lot closer and the rest as they say is history.
So he mentions this chic, Alexis. She is/was a student, studying to be a lawyer, her mom and dad are both successful doctor and lawyer, she was a cool punk rock chic with piercings and multi-colored hair. Rock on. Anyways though, I guess the boy and her were pretty close (not ever anything official according to him) but she would call him all the time and spill her heart out to him in a 'gf' type of way. They had plans on meeting (he was to goto MN) but acpl days before his trip she called it off and they havent spoke since. Seems pretty cut and dry right?
So0o0o0o, how come I feel like I was his 2nd choice? Like MN chic didnt come through for whatever reasons so, hey lets try NE chic. I dunno. I prolly shouldnt be thinking like that but seriously, why did he tell me all of that? Ive spent awhile thinking back to our convos as friends, as wanting something more, as a couple and I dont doubt that I was his #1 choice because everything 99.9% of the time is wonderful between us... like we are with who we should be, I guess like soulmates. So, once again why does my damn mind keep dwelling on this Alexis chic that has been non-existant for almost 2 yrs? *Sigh*
He than checks his email and has a ecard greeting from his friend, Gena. Now, I know nothing about her except what he tells me. I know they used to be pretty close friends. She treats her husband like shit, she cheats, etc. Yet out of the blue she sends him this card and shes being super flirtatious with her wording, overall message and I wonder why. I say to him, "Shes got it bad for you..."
He of course denies it and we move on to some other crazy chic who used to obsessed with him, some chic named Priscilla.
Anyways, Priscilla hasnt spoke to him in I dunno how long but along with everything else, he gets a message from her too. So than I have to listen about their friendship or lack thereof and how she wanted more than he was willing to give. Seriously. Why did he bring all this shit up to me? Its bad enough my self-esteem is equivalent to a fresh steaming pile of dog shit but damn, lets throw a cherry on top too. I swear my life sucks.
My bestest bud in the whole wide world, Robifiers, has been sending me hilarious emails. I love him, I wish him and his family all lived like down the street from me. That would rock!
So, he sends the boy an email asking him if he would like to join us (me, Rob and his wife, Michele) as hot lesbian lovers when were reincarnated. Rob made a good plea but I dont think the boy is gonna participate. :(
I will have to keep you all updated. I know your dying to know. Heh.
<< || >>