it's abit ironic how things work out.... FINALLY! Geez, its only been a day or so but damn....
I have not a whole lot to report to be honest. I have not yet got my period (that brings it up to 12 days late as of the 20th). On the 19th, the boy and I went and bought a couple different preg. tests.... he was anxious and wanted to know right away so I complied and took a test. The result? Negative. When I woke up this morning (20th) and used the bathroom for my first pee of the day I contemplated doing another test but decided against it. When I wiped I noticed a little blood. I peered into the toliet and along with urine I saw a droplet of blood that looked suspended mid-air in the mix of water and urine in the bowl. I naturally assumed I had miscalculated on my cycle and had been wrong. I put a pantyliner inside my panties and called it a day. When the boy woke up he immediately asked if I wanted breakfast. I replied, "No". To which he told me that the baby and I both need to eat. I knew than I needed to tell him about the blood. I did tell him and he was devastated. You could see the disappointment on his face, hear the 'loss' in his words.... he stayed downstairs for hours as I stayed in the bedroom. I know he wasnt mad at me... just upset. I mean he has been so psyched about being a daddy and than I have to tell him the bad news. Even when I took my test lastnight he was in the bathroom, giving me a kiss, telling me he loved me and wished me good luck. Is he not amazing? So, we both have been feeling less than cheery. It sucks. Mid-afternoon I think both of us were -k-.
I have gone pee several times today-- something that has increased moreso. Each time I went I checked the bowl and there would be no blood. I would check the tissue and there was a faint speck of blood. Nothing major. Nothing that would say to any woman on her normal cycle that she was starting her period for sure. Nothing even on the pantyliner. You see, 10 yrs ago (well, it will be 10 yrs on April 19th) when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I had taken over the counter preg. tests and they showed negative. I even got my period for a few months. So, Im clueless. Im thinking I need to go to a DR and have a blood test done if I dont find out something solid here in the next couple days. That way the boy and I will know, we wont be in limbo, we wont be disappointed (at least I hope not) and I can see whether I need to drop acpl classes or can continue forward with them....
I do really hope I am. I want to be so bad. You know, I mentioned it to my aunt tonight and she brought up something I had said many years back which was me saying I refused and did not want to have any more kids until Summer (my daughter) was at least 10 yrs old. I said I would make sure all my kids were spaced 10 yrs apart. LOL, of course that was back in the day when I was 17, maybe 18 and was like, noooooo waaaaaay!!!! But, isnt it ironic that the boy and I want to be pregnant and in April, my daughter will be 10-- hence the 10 yr mark. Hehehe. Gah, it would be so totally cool if I was... if I am. I hope I am. I'll update more lates... I just wanted to get this off my chest. Nite. |