suck I dont get anything anymore. Im so confused and thoughts of going back to NE seem to be all that consume my mind as of lates. I dont know what will happen between me and the boy and I dont know if its just me once again thinking crazy thoughts.... its prolly alittle of the latter and how Im being treated.
Tonight we were watching TV. Stuff he was interested in and me just going along with it cause we were spending time together but when we were waiting until our next movie we wanted to watch come on at 130a... there was about 45 mins to kill. I decided I wanted to watch Super Surgery. He watched all of 5 minutes of it before he started to head upstairs. I asked where he was going and he said to play his guitar until the movie came on. Call me stupid, go ahead. I'll wait.
I dont think Ive ever been so depressed. This week has really been an all-time low for me with thoughts of suicide seeming like a walk in the park. Do I sound desperate? Probably because I am. Where is my confidence? Where is the strong gurl who fights to stay afloat when shes constantly getting kicked down? Where is my strength to survive when I need it most? Why do I feel like such a failure? Funny, the only thing I feel is pain but otherwise numbness. |