explanations... Miss Anna left me the following note today (and just so everyone knows, no Im not upset about it. I know shes concerned and looking out for me. Thank you, sweetie.) hey are you married to him? i don't think you are but i'm not sure. if you're not married to him, are you sure that having a baby is a good idea? sometimes by reading your diary, i get confused about whether your relationship is all that stable. i don't want to sound like a judgemental friend or anything, but if you do have a baby and yuo're not a family that would really suck for the baby and you shouldn't just decide that you want to get married because you have a child now. that's kinda what my mom went through. my parents conceived me in june and then got married in july and my mom thinks about divorcing him all the time but stays together because of me and my brother...
And now, I want to address this because some of you are new readers, others arent but havent been following a long time and the majority just dont know about my past since its a topic I dont bring up often due to some issues Ive still got with it. So, hopefully I can explain and it'll make sense.
--We arent married yet but know one day we will be- it truly is like hes my other half. And without him I honestly dont know what I would do without him. Im saying my love for him is so strong, another man could never take his place. I know its meant to be.
We met online, became the best of friends in a years time. We talked constantly, and as crazy as this is gonna sound I knew from the very first msg he sent me that I wanted to be his gurl. So, a year lates in 03 Aug when he asked me, I was jumping up and down for joy. At this point, we had still never met and decided in 04 June we would move in together. Our relationship was rocky during the first part of the new year but we quickly resolved all problems. Health problems with his dad came up early on too, so it was another test thrown our way... and we made it. Anthony is one of the sweetest, most caring men you'll ever find out there. I know sometimes I paint a bad picture of him (I guess I didnt realize how bad, though :( and that makes me feel shitty cause it was never my intention.) He would do absolutely anything in the world for me, hes taken my daughter in like his own, he is truly an amazing guy and I will continue saying that I do feel truly blessed to have him in my life.
Like, I said alot of the 'problems' are very small in comparison and I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion due to me thinking something should be a certain way. I guess I want perfection and I know thats not possible because no one and no relationship is perfect-- and Im slowly realizing this.
So, all in all.... would having a baby be a wise decision right now? I honestly dont know but that answer has more to do w/me being in college right now than it does do I think our relationship will last or do I think if we marry I'll be unhappy. And for those wondering-- I already have a daughter who will be 10 in April from a previous relationship I was in for like, 2-3 yrs. I had her when I was 17. So, yeah I had to grow up quick. It was challenging but hey I did it and Im not like my mom so that is awesome. My daughter is well loved by me, her bio father, all the family and best yet? Anthony and his family as well and she told me back in 04 DEC that she looks at him as a father, too. :)
Hope its abit clearer now for you all. Damn, what a long ass entry, eh? Now off to watch the race!!! Ive missed almost an hour of it on this post. Dear Lord! Forgive me, NASCAR!!
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