damn guys .... Listening: Akon- Locked Up
Ahh, just when I wanna snap the boys neck for making me so angry (as previous entry) he does or says something that puts everything in perspective. This must be some 'guy' thing that they pick up on when they know their ass could possibly be in a sling... Lates that day he woke up and instead of doing his pre-work ritual he spent it with me just hanging around and talking. I noticed after he had left for work the kitchen was nice and clean as I had left it earlier in the day. Usually hes notorious for making a hellacious mess but there was none. And the dishes he dirtied were even rinsed and put in the dishwasher. That was *really* nice. :) I guess its the lil things that are more important but we do need to figure out something with this Final Fantasy game. I told him earlier that it takes all his time and I hate it.... maybe he got the hint that I cant stand the damn thing but we will talk about it cause I need to get all the shit that bothers me out in the open. I know I could be doing alot more to make the relationship better. Its not all one-sided as it comes off at times. I dont tell him I love him much at all. I love him with all my heart and Id never hurt him but I know by me keeping myself closed off abit emotionally from him that it does hurt him and our relationship. I guess Im waiting for him to fuck me over and I have to not look at it like that otherwise Im doomed anyway. Hey, Im not perfect. I can admit my wrongdoings and fuckups. I know I need to contribute more to the relationship, too. Like ... a job. Ive looked but havent applied. I dunno what Im stalling for when I know hes struggling. I know he wants to leave his current job cause of the shit thats gone down and I know he cant do that until I have a job so theres some security so we are able to pay rent and bills due but it doesnt make me try harder and I need too (FYI- I did look and apply today, so there!). I think what we really need to do is set aside some time and just talk about everything, get it all out there in the open and cover everything we havent spoke of. I think that would do us wonders cause I dont want this relationship to crumble. I love him and hes worth everything and than some to me... and Id be damn stupid to just give up and let whatever happens, happen. I will not be the gf hes used to having... the one who gives up when shit gets tough, the one who runs away. Nope. I will not be her. So, its time to put up or shut up as the 'ol saying goes. Im ready. Oh, before I forget (cause I found this *very* funny) the boy went outside to have a smoke and I was on his PC so I assumed he was downstairs just hanging out.... I hear the doorbell ring and I figure Oh, he'll get the door... and the rings continue on and on, repeatedly. Finally, Im like DAMN! I'll get the door and walk down the steps and Im thinking to myself, What if Anth locked himself out... I open the door and there he is with this cute lil look on his face and I start laughing. I asked him what he wouldve done had I not opened the door or heard the doorbell ring... funny shit. Im obsessed with the idea of having a Spynx cat, in case yall arent familiar, its a hairless cat. All wrinkly. Theyre so damn ugly their cute. The boy thinks Im beginning to like cats but I dont think so... Gah, at least I hope not. Heh. Have a good one, kiddies. Much love. xo ♥ |