wish he could see this tears me apart.... Well...fuck!
Member how I was all excited about a day of zipping around on rollercoasters? Yeah...didnt happen, folks. It didnt happen cause I ended up having a bad stomach ache that wouldnt give up. I rested and slept and to no avail it got worse and I puked. Ahh, the fun. The boy spent the entire day out at Kings Island and I slept most the day. By late Sunday afternoon I was feeling better... figures.
We went to Best Buy on Sunday. The boy drove my car. Yikes! He almost got us into an accident right before we were out of the area we live in and than once we were in Lexington, he almost ran a yellow (not a big deal to me) and than came to a screeching halt. Im pretty sure he did that shit on purpose though cause he doesnt like driving in unfamiliar areas/places but damn I get tired of always being the one to drive wherever we decide to go. And anyway, why should I have to rack up miles upon miles on my car? Hmmm....
At Best Buy the boy was checking out PC speakers and we came across a pretty kickass set for, 250$, I think. We were gonna get them and decided it would be best to wait. We decided to goto the pet store and check out aquariums.... they were closed. It was pretty late on Sunday. Everything closes early. We considered going fishing-- which I was all for but that shit didnt happen either. Im not sure why though. We came home so he could check online places to fish around here (why he did this I have no idea especially when I already knew of a spot to go-- bout 20 mins away from our house). I was gonna leave my purse in my car since we were gonna go get bait and fishing poles but he said not to leave it in the car. I shouldve known at that very moment we werent gonna go anywhere. Sure enough... after time was wasted around the house he declares its too late to go. By than it was.... that gave him his opportunity to play his damn PC game. Sad part of it is he thinks he can play his game til whenever and give me acouple hours of his attention and all is fine.... but its not. I wish I could bring this to him without coming off as a needy bitch who wants all his free time but I dont think I can. *sigh* I seriously contemplated checking into a hotel for acpl days just to re-think things through and clear my head about how everything is going.... Ive thought about going back to NE for a week or two too just to give myself a break but I realize thats not gonna solve any of the problems either. I plan on going back to NE in Sept. I wish he'd come with me but I doubt he will. He'll use work or his GED classes (he just called about today) as his reasoning he cant... which than leads me to wonder if he'll ever come up to NE with me. And you know whats really disheartening? This Thursday is our 1 yr anniversary. I bet he doesnt even remember. :/ So, that means nothing will happen. It'll be just another day. This depresses me so, so much. He would make me feel so special and so loved when we'd talk on the phone or be online during the distance and in person I havent felt it at all (well, -k- I have...but nearly as much as Id like too). Its just depressing, so very depressing. I wish he could see..... |