sometimes i get scared too. Happy December, yall!
Last night as I was cooking dinner for myself and Sum she came over to me with the most serious look on her face and I was like, "What? Whats wrong?"
She said she had spoke to several friends of hers about it and that they were all cool with it and didnt see the big deal. But of course they would think that. Something like being a mortician is weird, different. Not the norm. It appeals to kids. Its cool. But if one of her friends parents wanted to do it as a profession than I can imagine their typical response would be the same as Summer's.
All my life Ive been put down no matter what Ive wanted to do. Ive started so many career choices and never finished one due to people's negativity towards me and my abilities to accomplish said goals. And now when Ive finally decided on something I know I can do, know I can succeed at.... my daughter throws her concerns my way. DO NOT get me wrong when I say that... her opinions and how she feels mean the world to me but what about me? I feel like shes the person telling me yet again that I cant accomplish this goal because she isnt -k- with it. I mean Summer is totally not cool with this. She wants me to find something else to do, even if its working at Burger King. We sat down and talked about it for a long time. Her fears, my own fears. Heh, Ive never seen such a little face filled with a look of shock when I told her there were things that scared me too. I guess I dont let on much about my fears.... because it makes me vulnerable and weak. And for others to see me in that way means my guard is down and they have the potential to hurt me.
After we had our talk I think she felt alot better at least Im hoping so. I told her Mommy is still going to go and do this mortician thing and that everything will be just fine.
Ive been calling and emailing some apts about whether they will allow Mokah my sexy pitbull. One gal at these townhomes was so excited because she does volunteer/rescue work as well (not for pitbulls like I specialize in). And she of course said Mokah would be more than welcome at their property. I had a horrible, horrible dream. Or maybe it shouldve been called a nightmare. I never dream or at least have no recollection of it but OMG Ive never been so scared for my life like I was. I cant even begin to talk about it. :(
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