once in a blue moon.....
@ 1:42 am on 02 August 03
I got to talk to Tony and Im so glad I did. I wish I wouldve called instead but he was in a briefing so, ya know I didnt know when it would be done.
We IM'd for abit but theres so much going on in his life that he needed to get off and get away. I know how he feels when everything is piled up on top of you and the thoughts and words just keep re-playing over in your mind until everything becomes blurry and a jumbled mess.
I so wish there was something I could do for him to take away all the sad feelings he's going through at the moment. Weve never even met but I would do anything for him if I knew it would make him happy. He means that much to me and alot more. Its just easier for me to hide what I feel for him because I worry about hurting him in the end, because it seems I always hurt the ones I love. *Sigh*
Truth is I care about him more than I ever imagined possible.....
I love the way he makes me feel and how he always brought a smile to my face when I was feeling down. Heh, and oh, I loved how we talked on the phone and I got to go driving with him to his friends house to feed the cats and take out the garbage. Silly stuff but I loved it.
Im getting all emotional and teary-eyed just writing this but I had to get if off my chest, out of my mind.
I dont know if he'll approve what I put in here, but Im going to anyways.
t_s: alright, laying down.
*long, deep, never-want-to-let-you-go, kiss*
Missing you incredibly already,
-Me
B: you better email me or something. i'll stalk you lol .... you take care.....im gonna miss you like crazy hun. love ya
t_s: I already have one female-stalker that wants to kill me, isn't that enough?
B: well im not the crazy ex kill you type : )
t_s: just read my horoscope, and although I was thinking and/or hoping it was about you as I was reading it, for some reason I don't think your feeling match with it. Then again, I can't think of anyone else it would be about
You feel a love story unfolding around you. All your colors, sounds and tastes are bright and sweet. Whether you're the world's greatest lover, the object of someone's ardent affections, or an innocent bystander, you'll be swept up in a tide of good feelings. Even if this isn't about passion and intimacy, your relationships make you happy. You can be far away from someone and still be secure in the knowledge that he or she cares. Solitude doesn't necessarily make you lonely. Your own company is rich and delightful, and you might go all day without talking to anyone. Think of what you're missing, though.
t_s: ok, laying down now (definate this time).
Logging out.
I'm in love with you also, and likely always will be.
Forever in my heart,
-Tony
After reading that and my emotions being as high as they were I broke down in tears, uncontrolled crying because hes leaving. I wish I wouldve just told him that hes the one I wanted. The one Ive wanted for a long time. I was too scared and now it wont even matter because hes leaving. Ugh, not tears again.
What is this affect you have on me Tony? Why do I feel like Im never going to see you again? Why do I feel like Ive missed my chance to have your love? The same love your looking for.....
Im going to miss you truly with all my heart. I am in love with you.
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