.....wont matter anyway
@ 1:35 pm on 10 July 03
I came to a realization earlier this morning- that I cant worry about Rog's life & probs anymore. It completly drains me and the fights we have our too much. Im talking about nose to nose screaming at each other. I've been his friend for many, many years and hes always come to me for advice BUT not anymore. I dont want to know what goes on in his life, I dont want him to come to me for advice because he doesnt ever do what I suggest anyways.
After coming to this decision I already feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. *Breathes a sigh of relif*
And in other news- when I was online lastnight, I got an unexpected msg from an old, old friend. My heart must've stopped because I swear I couldnt breathe. I was so happy to hear from him but at the same time I wondered what he wanted and why now after all this time did he bother with me?? Questions I still have no answers too.
You see this man is so very special to me and he will *always* hold a very special place in my heart. Always. I have wanted to be with Vic for so, so long and weve come so close acouple times but for one reason or another it never happens and he usually disappears.
We'll when he disappeared the last time alot of things went down (which I wont go into detail) but the promise he had made to me had been broken. I told him lastnight I didnt want any promises made that he wouldnt keep to which he replied he wouldnt. Its not that I doubt him but when its happened before- what am I supposed to think and feel?
I wouldve prolly given him the world had he given me the chance. Ive never wanted to be with someone as much as I did him. It hurts. But I cant change what happened than and right now Im focusing on only one person and thats ME.
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