i hate feeling wishy-washy : /
@ 3:53 am on 19 October 2004
It was such a rainy, downpour mess yesterday. The entire day nothing but rain and LOTS OF IT!
Since I have almost 3hrs to kill on Mondays inbetween classes I decided I would go check out that cemetary I mentioned in earlier entries, even though it was a rainy, cold yuck day.
OMG! It was stunning. As soon as I drove through the gates I was mesmerized. I suppose the changing season with autumn colored trees & leaves helped. : )
I canvased the whole cemetary (or as much of it I could take in considering...) and Im so glad I did. I took so many pics (like 80 of them) of different scenes-- its really worth checking out. Just click on the 'photos' link to your left. I promise you wont be disappointed.
I told my mom because I was excited and she shot me down. I shouldve known as much. She told me that I was 'strange' and that 'she couldve found several far more interesting things to do with 3 hrs vs. browsing through a cemetary'. Hmpf!
Even when I told my good friend, Jacky about it he seemed aloof. I dont see what the big deal is and why it freaks so many people out. While Im at it I dont see why what interests me should be deemed any less important than what someone else finds interesting. They both struck a nerve with me today because its damn hard to find someone who has these same types of interests and to have the majority of your friends against what your into... which equals them not doing what interests you (ever) sucks ass.
I got my test results back from Sociology class and I wasnt too pleased with myself. Out of a possible 20, I scored a 14. Hmm, yeah much room for improvement. Like I said in a previous entry- that was my own fault and I wont make the same mistake again.
I thought the boy and I were making some progress and I was happy but once again Im disappointed. It seems to be an ongoing thing anymore... I came home from school and I have dishes that must be rinsed that the boy decided he didnt need to do, I goto walk upstairs and see dog poo on the stairs instead of on her puppy pad and of course, its left for me to clean up. When he got home from work I asked him if he could please help out alittle and he said to me, "I tried doing the laundry that one time..."
Exactly. That one time. And than you didnt lift a finger again. Sigh.
I wish that he would understand that he needs to clean up after himself. Hes a grown man why is this such a complicated task? It shouldnt be. And once again, none of this gets done because of his games he plays. I came close tonight to telling him that his exs all prolly left because of the games... but I held my tongue.
He was affectionate tonight when he came home from work and I got several kisses (always good) and like I said I thought we were making progress since we were using the same blanket the past few nights (yes, another story to explain for another time) but tonight before he went to bed, what did he do? Yup. Went downstairs and retrieved his blanket. Yup. That means were back to seperate blanket status again.
Does anyone else think this is the strangest fucking relationship ever? And what disgusts me even more is how every other entry I write seems to be some feel good entry about him on one day and a worthless nothing entry about him the next. Why does it have to fluctuate so damn much?!
I just need to focus on other things of greater importance. That sounds shitty, like Anth isnt of importance-- cause he is.. but Im just tired of my emotions going back and forth.... cant they stay one way and call it a day?
Now that Ive made myself angsty and irritable Im gonna hop off here and sleep this crap off. Nite.
<< || >>
|