i hate these feelings Listening: The Smiths- How Soon Is Now Didnt do awhole lot today, slept for awhile since the boy and I were both asleep and woke up around 430a and decided to watch tv until 8a. Thats when I went to sleep and up by noon. Ugh. This crap sleep schedule of mine has got to end, its crazy and its resulting in me looking like death slightly warmed up.
I called OPS today. OPS is the school system in NE and found out what I need to do to get Sum in school there with my parents having her for the larger part of the year- at least until I can get shit figured out for me with school and work schedules.
This means I have to go back to NE and get this bullshit taken care. *le sigh* I think I sorta pissed off Anthony today, too. I was late getting him up. I assumed he was up being for the past few days he had been awake before I even got into the room. I was sidetracked watching the poker finals (which Im clearly addicted too) and was making sure my guy I want to win remained in the game. When I looked at the clock it said 520 and I was like, "shit!". Walk into the room and hes asleep. :( Than he kinda snapped abit because it was so late and I shouldnt have let him sleep so long. I know I cant let him sleep like that but at the same time he needs to get on some sort of schedule and stick with it cause his sleep/awake schedule is totally fucked up. I also need a job cause honestly Im going insane being stuck here all day long doing the housework type stuff. Not to mention, checking my funds Im running abit low so that sucks too. Means Ive got to be cautious on my spending and I hate that and I need to do my part in helping Anthony financially. In some ways, I feel like Im withdrawing from people, stuff that interests me cause I figure what the hell is the point? It sucks being in your own personal hell that youve created for yourself. Im just feeling down, I guess. The last couple nights Ive stared at these bottles of medicene wondering should I or shouldnt I? While it would make things easier for me it wouldnt for those around me. Id love to be carefree and just end my existance cause it sure doesnt seem to be worth awhole helluva lot but at the same time Im older and more mature (sometimes, anyway) and I know logically its not an option. It sucks staring at these medicenes you know would put you to sleep forever and wanting to take them so bad and not do a damn thing cept continue on being miserable on the inside, put on that smiley face for the outside and continue on like everythings fine. Sometimes Im not even sure what triggers these desperate thoughts than other times I think I know the cause--- too much thinking about things I cant control. Ahh, well. I took my digicam in today to get fixed. I didnt have to put down a deposit like they mentioned~ but who knows how long that shit will take to get back... hopefully soon. Did I mention cheri-beri pucker tastes really good? Oh and I got a new purse. I contemplated a purple or green one but in the end I played it safe with my beloved black. Oh and that reminds me too I really need to check into funeral homes and doing apprentice work. Someone, anyone make me motivated to do that cause Im wasting precious time.
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