woe is me
@ 1:48 am on 12 April 2004
Listening: Shinedown- 45
This is a really good song, I urge yall to go find it & give it a listen if ya havent already.
I hope everyone had a great Easter and if you dont celebrate it, I still hope ya had a decent Sunday. Regardless of me telling Sum that there is no easter bunny I gave her a basket filled with goodies anyway. She seemed to like what I got her. Lates we went over to my folks and mom handed her easter goodies in a target bag. Dont put too much thought into it mom. :P
Mom made sure that Sum realized I had destroyed her wonderful images of what once was... but I stand firm. My daughter shall not be a 9 yr old and soon in 4th grade thinking such nonsense. Blah!
My folks got her some cute stuff and she liked it all. My folks even gave me some bunny-shaped chocolates. Yumm!
I guess today was interrogation day for me as well because my folks started asking me all sorts of questions about Anthony and what our intentions were. Its hard to explain things to them. Its more mom than dad but once she gets going than of course dad thinks up things he hadnt questioned before. *sigh*
After playing 20+ questions with them and answered in ways which they liked they decided I knew what I was doing. Forget that Im 26 and am a grown woman with a brain. They've never been one to credit me with much though. Surprise, surprise... who wouldve imagined I could be so smart and logical.
So, than mom goes, "well, if you serious about this is there anything you need?". I was like, "nah mom Im cool" and she goes, "Do you need any pots & pans? Since the ones I bought you several years back you gave your brothers...". I told her I could use those so we ventured upstairs onto the computer and looked online at her favorite place to shop, QVC.
She is insistant that she get me the best ones she can... ones like hers. So, I picked out some I liked and reasonably priced because Im not looking to take advantage of the situation. Than she says, "Nope you need ones like I have". Is she crazy?? The ones she has are a 12-14pc set that can also be used for the oven and easily run 200$.
She wouldnt take no for an answer so looks like before I leave were gonna have ourselves a 200$ pot/pan set. Crazy, crazy stuff.
My folks were also talking about me giving them temporary custody of Sum for insurance reasons and because if something would happen, she would be covered and they could give consent to any medical treatments needed. Mmmm, yeah. Im not cool with that.
I know my folks and I sort of have a better relationship than what it once was and thats great but I just cant completly let go of the past and cant let go of the feeling that my mom might want to screw me over. The ultimate screwing of taking Sum away from me and if I signed the papers Id legally give them my parental rights and Id be out of luck.
I know it prolly sounds like paranoia is getting the best of me but yall just would have to know how she works to see this could easily come and I cant let nice gestures and a better relationship blind me.
I let em know there was no reason for me to even do that since I planned on bringing her with me before too long anyway. Maybe even by the time she starts school in the fall.
Mom also asked me questions about the possibilties of me becoming pregnant. Joy of joys. You would think if Ive had sex in Sum's 9 yrs of life and I only have her than that would tell ya something. And that something would be that I have no intentions of becoming pregnant until Im married. I have chose for 9 yrs now to not bring any life into this world until that happens because I dont want to be a single mother of 1, 2, 3 etc number of kids. I know alot of gurls dont care if each child of theirs is by a different guy or that theyre single, or that the father isnt around. Good for them but thats not for me. I want the guy I marry to be the father of my future kids, I wanna know hes gonna stick it out by my side and be there for those kids we create. Until than.... no kids for me.
Now, true I cant predict what will or wont happen between me & Anthony cause I know we both want kids and weve talked about this before. All I know is that Im going to totally contradict what I just said up above and I guess I can say it because I know what my future holds.... if I did get pregnant by Anthony and it was sometime soon or lates down the road, it wouldnt be a bad thing and Id be very happy just because I know he isnt going anywhere.
Hmm, anyways. Im sure this makes for a boring entry and Im sure Ive rambled on and on... so now Im gonna just shut up and get some sleep because I gotta be up early. :/
Sums days of Spring vay-k are officially over, no more waking up at 2p and doing whatever. Back to a *gasp!* schedule.
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