frusteration taking its toll
@ 9:13 pm on 07 April 2004
*Sigh* Today has been an all-time low. Breaking point finally reached. All this rushrushrush is getting to me because it seems so impossible to pull off. I dont feel overwhelmed because really I have not much to do and most is taken care of but when it comes to me getting myself in gear than there lies the problem.
My car is registered in my aunts name because I have poor as all hell credit and because at the time I was supposed to file bankruptcy, even my insurance is under her and Im listed only as an occassional driver to keep her insurance costs down.... so as a result of all that Im not able to even license my car in KY. Now yall may not think thats a big deal and really it isnt. Nebraska's license plates may suck ass but they look alot better than KY's retarded walmart smiley face "lowering prices" version of a sun rising up through some hills... but truth is were heading to a smaller town and cops love pulling over out of state plates and seeing as my car isnt registered to me that equals lots of un-necessary crap I have to endure for acpl years.
I envision at one point being handcuffed and accused of stealing my own car because it isnt in my name. And of course to top things off Im not even sure if I can get insurance in my name due to the whole deal of her name being on the title and not mine.
I called the financial dept. of the dealership to ask them how I could go about adding my name so I could transfer shit around but that would result in a hassle/headache of re-financing my car and running credit checks on my aunt again and my own--- which will be a definete NO WAY! My aunt said she would go tomorrow if I wanted her to, too see about doing that but I think its a useless attempt.
And what else? Oh, yes... of course I spend hours online at night scouring for any apartment, houses, etc that is in the Richmond area and found several so I spent a large part of my morning/afternoon calling and every single place I spoke too doesnt allow dogs especially a pit bull. Grrr! I guess all I can do is pay that one rental company 50$ and hope to GOD someone will give us a break. This is crazy!
My aunt offered to keep Mokah, too. She's already keeping Jr cause no place would allow an 80 pound pit. I hate having to leave him behind and I dont want to have to leave Mokah either. I refuse to leave her behind. Its starting to really suck that Ive got to forfeit everything of mine for this move. Fucking sucks!
So from sheer frusteration and a feeling of hopelessness I wept like a baby in my bedroom where no one could see. Just what I dont need people hovering over me asking me whats wrong. I dont mind that people care and stuff but around here Im the glue that holds everyone together and it seems if I dont have my fake smile on for the day and not making goofy lil comments/jokes than everyones all alarmed. "Whats wrong with Sarah? Why isnt she happy?!" Cant even have a bad day without being interrogated like Ive murdered someone. Maybe I should Id at least have a reason to be 3rd degree'd than. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I even seriously contemplated not going to KY but thats crazy and isnt an option at all. I need alittle break from all the looking, calling but I cant. I dont have time too so I'll just sit back and keep plugging away and hope I keep my sanity. Whatever I do Im not gonna throw all this on Anthony cause hes got enough on his plate w/out me adding to it right now.
Well, thats all til later. I just needed a place to vent. Cya.
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