...only when i start to think about it
@ 1:09 am on 17 November 03
Listening: Three Days Grace- (I Hate) Everything About You
Hmm, I have some things on my mind that I'd like to mention but Im not so sure if now is the time to do that. Hmmm.
In ways Im still in abit of a weird mood from this mornings convo w/Anthony. I guess more than anything I felt like I was being pushed away and that hurts. It didnt really bother me much at the time cause hell we all have our insecurities and I totally understood where he was coming from because I have alot of the same concerns. But..... I dunno, today as I was thinking about what he said I wondered. And Im still wondering. And I hate the feelings I feel right now because its just a jumbled confused mess.
I dont want to think about it anymore. Not right now. :(
I spent the entire Sunday sleeping. Even when I was up I fell back to sleep. Ive been so tired and I know Im not sleeping nearly enough.
I dont feel good at all. I coughed so much my chest hurt and my lungs ached. I coughed up phlegm. How appealing. I gagged to the point of throwing up too. Headaches. Watery eyes.
Id just like to be killed and put out of my misery. I can provide the bullets and gun, any takers??
I gotta take my car to get the oil change that Ive put off for awhile, at least 2000 mi. of putting it off. Mainly cause I hate the thought of sitting there, bored off my ass. I could go for a walk if my asthma cooperates and the weather isnt too cold. We shall see.
I wonder if Arnie (dude who sold me my car) still works there? He was new at the time and had worked the entire day catering to customers and when I find that out I made sure I was a bigger bitch. I dont know why, something about him I didnt like. But, he turned out being a decent guy when I got to know him.
My mom wanted me to stay there now but fuck that. I'll go over there like Thurs. evening. I do got to venture over there on Tues for the rundown. Im prolly repeating myself. I told her all that on the phone lastnight and than when dad called tonight it was the same thing... umm HELLO I already told ya this. Im not repeating it, again.
So, dad was looking at rotten.com and said they went to a pay site. I didnt see anything about that, maybe pops was trying to access porn. Heh.
Anyways, he wanted me to print out a pic of this dude on the site. Quite a sight, let me tell ya that. He was a weightlifter, scroll people, scroll.
Anyways, time for this gurl to get some sleep. Love you.
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