fuck this life (said w/authority)
@ 1:41 pm on 17 September 03
I think today you should be on the lookout for a multitude of entries cause I have some things on my mind and I honestly dont feel like discussing them all right now-- so if you like lengthy reads than this could be the diary of your dreams-- OR NOT.
Today I concluded that I know I will never be married. Ive been really dwelling on this for quite awhile now and I had no idea why.
For awhile I was thinking maybe its cause Im in this great relationship and I wanted to be with him always. And than I thought maybe its cause I spend too much time watching those wedding shows on TLC and I wanted to be one of them. Hell, Ive wasted nights on here looking at invites, dresses, etc. And as you all know Ive had my dress picked out for quite sometime.
And still while I have no idea why Ive been so caught up with the whole marriage bit I think Ive concluded its because I want something so damn bad that I know will never happen. Today, I think Im -k- with that. Maybe thats my plan in life.
I dont think I have to be married to enjoy someones company and maybe I dont even have to tell the person I chose to be involved with that I love them. Being a pisces really, really, really sucks sometimes. All these thoughts and no answers, ever.
Ahh well, such is life.
My daughter has a dad, Ive got friends, why do I think I need or deserve more?
Anyways, I should go finish up my beautiful, sexy cake Ive been slaving over for awhile now. Man, he aint worth all this trouble but hes an awesome friend even if he does severly suck at times. So, I shall go get my apron and go back to playing Ms. Betty Crocker....
lol if that isnt some shit I dont know what is, seriously.
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