Weighing the options??
@ 1:59 am on 22 July 2008
I've been thinking lately about how we may have to move and where we would go if we did. I always assumed if I got lucky we could go back to Nebraska but I dont know if I'd really want to go back there.
There I have to be under my moms thumb so to speak. There undoubtedly I have rules and things expected of me that I dont have to worry about here. Most importantly, here I'm not at my moms beck and call. Its sad to say but it seems like sometimes my dad is turning into a version of my mom and thats scary, creepy really.
I've never really been the daughter that they could be proud of. No, not because I disappointed them in some way but it seems like I disappoint them in every way. I guess me just being a gurl seals the deal for them because both my brothers seem to get everything they could hope to want handed to them and I have to fight to keep what little is mine.
If we/I struggle its because we didnt plan something out right not just that shit didnt happen to go our way at that moment. Anyways, what had me thinking all this? Just the fact that I dont want to have to go back to that kind of life, I dont want to be miserable.
Here's a prime example of what I mean. After Anthony and I became engaged he gave me a choice, I could get married in Kentucky or Nebraska since he knew how much I missed it there. After thinking a bit I decided to get married here because afterall this is home now, why plan long distance? Plus, if we had it in Nebraska his family couldnt attend. So, a family member of ours got into a little trouble and may not be able to make it down now, so my folks bitched to another family member of ours that it wouldve been simpler had we just got married there in Nebraska. Mmmhmm.
Lovely how that works, isnt it? Let me just change everything Ive had in motion for a year to accomodate you family member that just did something because even though it would be a HUGE inconvience for us, we *must* make it easy for you. Bullshit! It makes me so mad when I think about it.
So, I got to thinking maybe NC would be a good place to go. Afterall my bestfriend lives there and me and him could hang and have fun but I dont know how the boy feels about that. I sense some reservations about it which means its very unlikely to happen although I stick to thinking it would be a good call.....
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